All I have been doing lately is worrying about college. I’m still a junior and my senior year is still months away, but at the same time I feel so much more scared than my peers are. I feel like time has already run out and that I won’t get accepted anywhere because my applications would lack extracurricular activities and colleges will see I haven’t taken many AP classes or anything.

I look at my peers and everyone is doing a sport, they’re in 5 different clubs, or they’re taking this many AP classes, they do this this and this. I honestly wish I had time for that. I mean, not sports, I’m in no way coordinated enough for that, but like clubs and whatnot. I could have joined DECA (Distributive Education Clubs of America) this year, but I couldn’t because anything involving it fell on days or very very near days that I had things for my theater program. I feel that if next year when I actually have time to join clubs or do things that colleges will think that I slacked off for three years and didn’t join a thing until the clock really started ticking. I’m so terrified of being inadequate when it comes to college and getting accepted or applying etc.

I would love to do so many extracurriculars. I always thought of myself as a girl that would be on the newspaper team, or the girl that would start a really great club at her school like I would love to start a Fashion Club at my school, or the girl that did great summer programs. I always thought that I would be the involved high school student, but I ended up being someone that has one big focus-stealer/time-sucker that has left me with zero other things to be involved in.

I love my parents dearly and I’ve always been very thankful that they have never been pushy or those really overbearing over-the-top parents that make me do things I don’t want to do, but at the same time I wish they at least pushed me a little. Pushed me just enough to say “You need to be in at least 3 clubs this year” or just anything, anything at all to make me not feel the way I do now about going to college. 

I don’t know, maybe I just sound really dumb, but I just feel like there was so much time wasted and that I could have done so much more if only I had the time. I don’t know.